Thursday

7 things about Thanksgiving...

...that really piss me off.

1. Sloth: Lazy bums who sit around watching TV all morning...
2. Greed: ...until you ask them whether they plan on using the oven in the next forty minutes, at which time they become incredibly busy just so you can't use it to cook your own part of the meal. Which, as stated previously, only takes 40 minutes. Whereas they are taking over the cooking of the turkey, which really was assigned to another cousin. @$$-holes.

3. Envy: I hate those people that actually get to spend Thanksgiving with their families. Especially when those people were supposed to be taking care of you to begin with, and decided to go off and do their own thing, leaving you all alone with a bunch of freaks. I miss my family, too, you know.

4. Gluttony: While binge eating will be a change from my current state of semi-starvation (I have had two actual meals since Grandma left, if one does not count Japanese snacks and fast food), I am not at all sure that it will be a positive one. Especially if the Greedy cousins (see #2) decide that they have a right to the leftovers afterward. I NEED that food!

5. Wrath: Close the lid AFTER you flush, leave the seat DOWN, and for pete's sake STOP leaving hair in the sink! Honestly, is this too much to ask?

6. Lust: Okay, so they're married. But that does not make Grandma's house their personal Cuddle Zone (TM). Seriously, someone needs to tell those two that the rest of us DO NOT CARE and would appreciate it if they stopped acting so freaking cutesy with each other. Or at least did it where no one else could see. It's rather off-putting to see two grown adults acting and talking like kindergarteners... (Note that I use the term "adults" rather loosly in this case.)

7. Pride (Unjustified): "This will be the best Thanksgiving ever!" Sure it will be. Oh, and Satan just dropped by on a flying pig to wish us a Happy Christmas....he said it's been a bit chilly Down There lately, and the imps are engaged in a massive snowball war. Gosh, who knew?

You know what? Forget the sweet potatoes. Someone else can make them. And the relatives, well, they can go toss snowballs with the imps. I'm gonna go level up my druid, and Heaven help anyone who tries to interrupt me.

Have a FAN-freakin'-TASTIC Thanksgiving, y'all. Now get outta here before I get REALLY mad.

1 comment:

Andy M-S said...

1. This could never happen with anyone else? You've never vegged in front of a TV? Some of these folks have full-time jobs, and taking a day off is reason enough to kick back.
2. Of course your stuff is more important than their stuff.
3. How about those people whose husbands died in that very house exactly one year ago, and whose children invite them to be somewhere else just in case that anniversary might be a little painful? Cut Grandma a little slack.
4. Learn to share. Now. And remember that you're staying (and eating Grandma's food)pretty much for free.
5. I have tried (and pretty much succeeded) to install proper bathroom etiquette in my children. Not everyone has been so successful. Now, if I could only get them to use the fan...
6. Well...hmmm. At least it's not *boring*.
7. It's not a statement of fact, it's a statement of hope.

I know you're not happy to be there, perceiving yourself to be alone, etc. Sucks. But you do need to stop ragging on other people because they're happy (or appear to be happier than you).

Make the sweet potatoes and swallow your pride (as Dylan says, "You will not die/it's not poison").

I love you. Tess loves you. All of the boys love you. We miss you. But we're not going to be miserable just for misery's sake.