Well now ladies and gents, today we have a guest visiting our little slice of the internet. Everybody's favorite Ravager of Galaxies, the Extinctionator, Sargeras, the Dark Titan! As his awesome visage cannot be safely viewed by a camera, we have this artist's rendition, courtesy of my lovely wife. And yes, Kate, the planet-sized "World's Greatest Titan" coffee mug was brilliant, I just think we should have paid extra and gone with a slightly more heat-resistant one.Hey, hello, hi, how are you, this is Sargeras of the Burning Legion and I'm very excited to be here today on Kate's blog, Tastes Like Lint! Based on her blog's subtitle, I see already that she and I have one thing in common: we both Never Shut Up. And what's more, I have proof.
Looking through my old files, I came across this gem from 406 B.C. - one of Plato's heretofore unpublished dialogues between myself and the esteemed philosopher, Socrates. I still remember that little guy - kind of scrawny, a scraggly beard, but a pretty decent sort of fellow. Sort of awkward, the way that Plato dude always followed us around taking notes. Shame about that hemlock business...I could've given him a much more interesting death.
Well, anyway, I'm pretty sure the copyright on this expired, like, two thousand years ago, so without further ado, allow me to present...
THE SARGERIC DIALOGUE
SOCRATES: How does this day find you, friend Sargeras?
SARGERAS: Well, sir, and you?
SOCRATES: I am well. Tell me, how goes the kingdom-smashing business?
SARGERAS: Very well indeed. Though as I have told you before, I smash things much larger than kingdoms.
SOCRATES: You know, Sargeras, that I believe little of your fanciful stories about traveling among the stars. Such travel as you describe must surely belong to the gods alone.
SARGERAS: Well, think what you wish. But tell me, how is your philosophizing going?
SOCRATES: It goes as well, and pays as little, as ever. But I have a question for you also.
SARGERAS: I do not doubt it.
SOCRATES: Why do you inquire about my welfare, when you wish to destroy all life?
SARGERAS: You are always asking questions of ethics, Socrates. For months now we have practiced your art, discussing duty, society, right and wrong, love, knowledge, and scores of philosophical questions. Is it not fair that we should now practice my art for a while?
SOCRATES: Your proposal does seem just.
SARGERAS: In that case, would you like to see something wicked sweet?
SOCRATES: Indeed, as wicked sweetness is the very paragon of sweetness, there can be nothing sweeter. Please proceed.
SARGERAS: In my hand I have a fireball.
SOCRATES: I could hardly fail to notice. It is the size of the Parthenon.
SARGERAS: And is that your friend Euripides over on yonder hill?
SOCRATES: It is indeed.
SARGERAS: Check this.
SOCRATES: You have obliterated Euripides!
SARGERAS: And good aim from this distance, I must say.
SOCRATES: This is a highly immoral act.
SARGERAS: Back to ethics again! We agreed we would not talk of ethics today.
SOCRATES: Very well. I must honor my word. It is wrong to lie.
SARGERAS: Again with the ethics!
SOCRATES: I am sorry. It is sort of "what I do." Please, continue.
SARGERAS: And is that not Sophocles, on yonder other hill?
SOCRATES: Oh dear.
SOCRATES: Yes, that is rather, er, interesting...
SARGERAS: Look, a farmer!
SOCRATES: No longer.
SARGERAS: And over there is a cow!
SOCRATES: Its life is assuredly ended.
SARGERAS: Do you want to try?
SARGERAS: You promised, remember? Here, just take this fireball...
SOCRATES: Oh! It is exceedingly hot.
SARGERAS: Then you'd best get rid of it. Look, there's an orphanage!
SOCRATES: Oh my.
SARGERAS: Great job! Look at 'em run!
SOCRATES: I fear I must be leaving.
SARGERAS: You can hear 'em scream even from this distance! That was amazing, little dude!
SOCRATES: Yes, well, I have to go home. To, er, tend my garden. Yes, that's it. Goodbye, Sargeras!
SARGERAS: What, so soon? Socrates, it is not right to lie, as you have told me many times.
SOCRATES: We agreed we would not discuss ethics! And besides, I think perhaps it is time I, er, thought of a new philosophy.
SARGERAS: One that doesn't involve massacring orphans?
SOCRATES: Yes indeed! Come along, Plato.
PLATO: Yes, Teacher.
SOCRATES: Plato...you're not writing this down, are you?
PLATO: That was wicked sweet, Teacher.
SOCRATES: You'd better not let one of your students tutor a warrior who goes on to kill thousands of people.
PLATO: Wouldn't dream of it, Teacher.
SOCRATES: I am freaking serious.
PLATO: ...want to go watch 300?